My mind is full to overflowing with 'stuff'.
My body wracked with pain.
On order is a new knee brace, the hospital ordering in. Being short with chicken legs requires a wait. Old knee brace in the bin. A shiny new hinged one soon to arrive. The bionic woman, that's me. I am not sure why, when both knees should be looked at why they can only do one at a time but I keep very quiet in appointments lately. To save my sanity.
Truthfully, whenever I feel 'this way', my thoughts turn to moving. Perhaps if we move, the house would be tidy, I wouldn't hurt, money worries would disappear. bla bla. We haven't moved for 17 years. So perhaps its time I took action. I am not so naive that all the crap would go away but perhaps it is time for a change.
As my youngest turned 18, I have had a mini mid life crisis. Why am I here? What have I ever achieved in my life? You know the type of stuff. 46, no career. Disability stares me in the face with no answers.
So again I look to the small things for solace. Little by little I put my brain back together to help ease my troubled mind.
10 comments:
All right there is something in that damn water today (yesterday, the day before, and the day before that and....). I say screw the water and bring on the tequila. Inspirational words are in short supply today so I'll just say, big hugs my friend. Big hugs. xxxx
(((hugs)))
xx
Thanks for your kind words on my blog. Sometimes fate takes a hand and shows you the right way. Meanwhile, take one day at a time. Hugs.
Thanks for your kind words on my blog. Sometimes fate takes a hand and shows you the right way. Meanwhile, take one day at a time. Hugs.
Achelois
How's about... sitting the whole family down to have a chat about how much the house is bugging you?
Keep it lighthearted but make sure they understand your frustration at not being able to do more to keep the place tidy.
I often have days when I feel down for having little to show for my existence on this earth and then I remind myself that actually, my husband and kids depend on me to keep their lives running smoothly and sometimes it's no harm to remind them of this.
As regards the frustration you feel about the limitations in your life... you are doing exactly the right thing, in looking to the small things for solace.
If I'm having a bad day, I now STOP and evaluate the day. I tick off (in my mind) any tasks that I have achieved that day (no matter how small) and congratulate myself for getting them done. I then remind myself that "tomorrow, is another day!"
Success doesn't necessarily bring happiness. I happen to believe that real happiness is achieved when you learn to appreciate the small things in life.
And btw... I'm 53 and still have no career worth talking about but I reckon I'm happier than a lot of people who are caught up in the treadmill of life.
Food for thought!
Hi Achelois,
I hate those thoughts too about understanding where we are in the scheme of things. I guess they are the echoes of the social conditioning we have had drilled into us since birth- must work, must be a good parent, etc. You are right to reassemble them bit by bit and put them into context. In reality they don't matter so much. Approaching 40 and having not worked for 5 years I get the same kind of thoughts but I try now and again to remind myself of the other ways in which I am lucky and how others are not so if you know what I mean.
Take care,
Nechtan
*hugs* I'm having a similar crisis at the moment, I blame the dreaded DLA forms, it's all their fault ;) So more *hugs* and love BG Xx
To Rusty Hoe - thank you so much. damn water... it has a lot to answer for!
Veronica - hugs right back
Addy - wise words indeed. Thank you.
Steph - your food for thought meant a lot to me. Funnily enough I sat in the kitchen tonight and had a light bulb moment. I may blog on it.
Nechtan - I certainly do know what you mean. For the first time ever I just said to my mother on the phone last night 'actually I am not ok' Expectations and social conditioning have so much to do with the way I am shaped. It seems you would be a good psychiatrist! I do suffer plenty of guilt with regard to my status in life. Despite the rational me knowing I should be proud of me, the invasive nagging echo's in my mind of childhood/teen/adult conversations with family still play heavy on my mind!
BG - you know me so well xoxoxoxo Big gentle hugs for you my friend always.
Steph makes sense. At least a light bulb came on, no? I see nothing wrong with asking your family for consideration. It is easier than moving. YES. Much easier.
I have moved 3 times in the last two years after staying put in one place for years, years and years and trust me...moving sucks. So traumatic...especially if you don't feel well.
I like your new blog layout. It is nice... =)
Sending you virtual hugs and a big cup of tea. Actually I'm there too, to share.
Came by to see if there was a blog entry. Oh well. One could hope. =)
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