The walls are closing in......

Having spent the last hour emptying my reader of blogs I must read.  I wonder if I should in fact try to blog myself before I meander around the blogging world.

It takes me a while to decide to add another blog to my reader. Will it upset the balance, the harmony I ask myself.  Generally I have to start at the beginning and absorb a blog thats new to me in its entirety before hitting the follow button.   

Often I open my blog and have absolutely not a thought in my head as to what I am about to write.  So reading other blogs  & subseqeunt colloquy in comments, helps jump start my idle brain.  Perhaps in time blogging will be suggested along with sudoko, crosswords & other brain food exercises as an effective passtime to ward off the dreaded short term memory problems associated with old age. I think there are more sophisticated methods available which involve electronic hand held devices which I am afraid are a complete mystery to me. 

 Don't get me wrong, I am not a  plagiarist, I find absorbing the plethora of language, ideas & links to information I would not otherwise be privy to, empowering.  Seeing that others who have blogged much longer than I, are bold & willingly discuss a myriad of emotions, some raw and ragged, some so brutally honest, seems to give me permission to let my fingers do the talking, tapping my thoughts quietly on the keyboard and realising I can do it to.

I'd like to shake some bloggers hands, to thank them.  (This would have to be done very gently indeed as my hands are particularly prone to dislocation so it is not a weakness of character that means my handshake is somewhat limp). My virtual handshake I think is better.  Imagine this, you reach out and find a reassuring clasp, not clammy at all, the perfect temperature, conveying better than any words could my exact intent.  To thank, with respect, not the handshake of a collagen deficient, genetically challenged zebra at all.

This morning I had an EDS fallout - I have spoken of this previously and experiencing pain that is intolerable within moments of waking, negates the sleep. It means that the sleep which is supposed to refresh & renew is not restorative.  Some with EDS are prescribed low dose amitriptyline, an old fashioned anti-depressant which prescribed in low doses for those with chronic pain may make sleep restorative.  Well not me, without meaning to sound embittered, I am one of those people who cannot tolerate this medication.  Its efficacy is nought when the side effect of raging palpitations and more mean its a little dangerous for me.  (I have also tried as an alternative dothiepin which has pretty much the same effect)    I am intolerant for a myriad of reasons to many medications, if there is a side effect to be had on the list of rare or occassionally 1 in 2000 people may get x,y,z as a by product of a drug.  I am that 1 in 20000. I deliberately don't read the blurb of side effects included in the box in case its an auto suggestive response!  My gp prescribes with trepidation any new med on a very very low dose and we ensure I am not left alone!  Anyway I digress.....

Due to multiple dislocations in sleep and the subsequent agony on waking,  is probably why I am awake now, afraid to sleep, perhaps because it is better to stay awake than wake in utter mind blowing agony.

Enough of all that though, its time I think I talked about the weather....

The snow in the picture is 20cm deep.

Its making me a tad annoyed now -

Because... it is affecting people I care about. 

(See my blog list)  BG from blog - benefitscroungingscum   -  Alice from i'm confused

the pig man - our friend - because free range pigs need x gallons of water a day and he is having to do all this by hand.  He is exhausted.  His wife is worried for his health.

To our neighbour who has just come out of hospital and had to be brought home by army services which was a very uncomfortable experience for him.

My husband, whose 4x4 has become a local multi purpose vehicle - a free social service. This means he is also very tired.  Being a good samaritan is tiring. He is literally running around like a madman, people need people right now to get 'stuff' they cannot get. From dawn til' dusk he is towing, shoveling snow and carrying heavy buckets of stream water to animals, owners cannot get to. He reckons its a good job his muscles are strong (particularly core stablising ones) as they are doing the job of holding him together.

There is more but my guess is you get my drift.

Oh and me to be honest.  Much as I love my husband, apart from him and the children (if you are a regular reader you will know they are not by definition children anymore but they do still live in my house)  are the only people I have had a conversation with.  So if my blogging is getting a little peculiar, please bear with me.  The walls are closing in.

As a child growing up in the country, snow was a time for long walks, frozen toes in

proper green wellies, none of this crap

   

In my day, socks were socks, pj's just that, duvet covers etc....  I was a mean mother and would not have anything to do with any of this.  If my children refused to wear anything but Disneyfied logo'd clothes, just as an example nightwear then I would have given them a lecture regardless of their youth and innocence on the downfall of society because of the commercialisation of clothes.  That the only people that benefited were bla bla bla bla.... and they were the victim.  I probably emotionally scarred them for life depriving them of branded clothes because of a principle.

Anyway back on subject... wellies - I am cross because I need wellies to get from the front door to the car and having size one and half feet am finding it nigh on impossible to find a pair that haven't got a logo on which means I must be a fan of a cartoons by default.  Being 45 now I would just look stupid in these.  I do quite like the cheerful ones with flowers on though but must simply look on in envy at the trendy forty something wearing these.  BUT my stupid feet are too small for grown up trendy wellies.  (edited to add I think I have found some child wellies that are ok online!)

Bearing in mind I cannot venture out alone in these conditions without the strong arm of other half bearing my weight as I cannot walk on ice, my unstable ankles, my knees, my hips ....... cannot find any centre of gravity for balance and I am a liability.  I am sure my husband didn't sign up for this.  A cripple for a wife.  So in my minds eye, the reason I cannot venture out is a conscious fashion decision, I will not be seen dead in stupid wellies.  So there.  (I did have wellies, green ones, but they were in the shed and now they are not, I think a neighbours child borrowed them some time ago, moved and now no doubt they have been passed on.

So moving on all I really want to do is climb to the top of Telegraph Hill with my sledge and scream with glee on the downward run, exhiliration topping up my serotonim levels.   Perhaps one day I will have the funds to have one of these   -  I WANT the Extreme X8 !!!

 

In other posts I have written about my denial (along with family members) regarding wheelchair use.  Given my spouse's man love of Top Gear,

I reckon he would probably rate the ExtremeX8.

So after a long and rambling post.  I leave today with fond memories of childhood winter walks fresh in my mind.   More words spring to mind.....   freedom, mobility, carefree, nature, fresh deer tracks in the snow, sucking icicles imagining lollies made with fresh crushed strawberries.  Jack Frost really did exist.   Laughter.....

Pulling myself together I look forward to


                                                                        snowdrops

                                                                            daffodils

                                                                         spring rain....