One of those Sunday Night posts......

We had a power cut last night.  Three hours later the power returned.   I enjoyed the peace.
(edited to add - appalling laid out post - something went a little wrong tonight - note to self, try harder next time)

My hand which I broke a year ago is absolutely driving me mad.  My occupational therapist tells me I should see the rheumatologist to find out why it is hurting sooooooooo much.  This referral will take ages.  To me it just feel all broken again. I can't knit either, not just the normal type of can't knit which happily translates into I am diabolical at knitting, I can't hold the needles etc.

I think it would be cheaper for the NHS to get it x-rayed.  Bearing in mind I put up with physical pain this is on the pissing me off and keeping me awake and can't use type of pain.  Have to type with thumb on right hand.  On the bright side of life it has taken my thoughts away from my knee which at present I cannot weight bear on.

It doesn't always work by the way making sure one's teenager has a mobile phone.  In order to keep in contact they actually have to answer it!  Enough said.

I am at that time of year when I start putting my mind to Christmas. (BG if you are reading this please don't freak out & shout at me) This involves worrying about affording it.  I like the tree part and decoration of, something I have to watch the family do nowadays but being the control freak I am, I am very particular about where they go.  Some are treasured and the kids nearly grown up offspring groan when they open carefully wrapped decorations they made in infant school which absolutely must be hung in 'just' the right place. 

Years ago when I got out more, I would fill the house with living decorations, greenery, some sprayed gold, with real berries & old man's beard - the real thing.  This was collected on chilly walks with children in mittens & woolly hats helping. Stamping cold toes on frosty grass glistening with sharp December sunshine & stopping for hot chocolate breaks from steaming flasks.  We would jam interesting 'sticks' into bin liners, which would always rip because of the holly.  They would then dip in glue & stick white crumpled tiny paper balls on to resemble snow... this greenery was then hung around pictures, wrapped around bannisters & we would have a proper 'Victorian' stylee Christmas.

My guess is that my penchant now for glitz & fizz is a way of cheering me up for loss of mobility once had, so by way of overcompensation I have gone over to the other side - I care not one iota, better than getting all morose about that which I used to be able to do.   Obviously I do care quite a lot actually but I don't let anyone here know that I miss all that, I am a country girl afterall.  So when the day draws nearer do not be surprised if I get all nostalgic, of Christmass' Past. 

I think its the fact that I would love to be the generous..(I am back to present giving now) aunt.. godmother.... daughter.... wife.... etc. but money dictates a budget.  So I spend a good deal of time trying to think of appropriate presents.  I like to think I am thoughtful but do you know what I would absolutely prefer to be is ridiculously generous.  I know, I know the origins of it all, but its cruel I think to deny some sparkle & fun & the older I get I am unashamed of this fact.


So for this week at least I will be ignoring that nagging in my mind. Afterall as I have been doing this for years, Christmas will come & go and no amount of me trying to organise it early will make one iota of difference.  Because in reality I am better at last minute shopping relying on instinct & time constraints than planning and buying a few presents a month.  I wish I could be like that but I can't.  So for now, that mild Christmas angst is pushed aside but it will linger occassionally in my mind to remind me again that I should be more boring organised. Anyway its not cold enough for socks yet so I have absolutely nothing to worry about.


To add, I am an old meanie absolutely brilliant at recycling & other half will groan when I ask him to get the Xmas Box down from the loft with beautiful bags and paper which have been doing the rounds in our family for years. No one in our family is ever surprised when they receive their present in a bag which they have seen for years previously.  I have favourites which special people get, in fact I think I care a lot about the presentation of a present.  I add each year to this hoarde and start to panic if a well meaning relative starts to collect the mess of the wrapping paper etc. 

Fortunately my mother understands my obsession well as we share it, she silently does the collecting before I start hyperventilating & we share the procedes equally.  I do add each year, this year some will have the addition of tiny silver reindeer bells & beautiful little felt bags with chequered red & white reindeers on (re-cycled by the way) from my sisters beautiful table setting last year where each guest had a mini present beside their table setting. Inside these mini bags, which will be inside the other bags, I have yet to decide what to include but they are beautiful.  Now some may think this is cheesy - I don't care.  I used to worry a lot about what people thought but these days if its not harming anyone I just don't anymore.

I wish I had a talent like kim at frogpondsrock then I could make personalised ceramics; the most beautiful pottery pieces to give.  Kim I wish you had an internet shop but am sure your beautiful work would come under the expensive label & am not sure how practical it would be to get them shipped from Tasmania to the UK!

There is more a lot more but if I wrote all that I think my labels would include possibly mad with EDS!  So I stick to the safe thoughts & ramblings of the mind of someone with an invisible illness who should probably get out more......

Prattled on about nothing again tonight.  Its a Sunday thing I think.

(edited to add sorry for long paragraphs - too tired now to edit)