Shit Happens

The past week has been diabolical frankly -

To Accident & Emergency at local hospital - thank you for being so kind, understanding and genuinely empathetic when I was in so much pain. No thanks to the receptionist at the doctors who said there were no appointments and a doctor would call me back if they could.

It is a surprise to me that severe pain can mimic apparently a heart attack, stroke, collapsed lung or DVT. If I could have spoken I would have let Registrar know that I didn't think any of the above were applicable. I had taken as much pain relief as is allowed by pain team and frankly could not stand the pain. Apparently severe pain can mean that you can't breathe. This was no panic attack. This was hectic. Being used to severe pain this one ranked 9/10 on the pain scales.

I don't cry ever with pain and this time I did, all night.... despite a combination of medications that would have had an elephant comatose. I contemplated calling an ambulance as I rocked and writhed and cried some more. This is not me, I manage my pain, I have been on a six week course to teach me how afterall. I have had years of experience, multi-disciplinary approaches to pain management incorporating pacing, relaxation etc..

On arrival at the hospital I bypassed the queues - the home made bandaged bloodied fingered, the swollen & painful broken ankles of the builders and footballers. The loud drunk in the corner whose rude interjections interrupted my daughter's quick synopsis of my medical predicament. I was whisked poste haste to the curtained cubicle to await my fate. I had had the forsight to take my repeat prescription green form as from previous experience the cocktail of meds I take has previously meant on the VERY few occasions I do go to hospital, that the attending doctor/consultant who has no knowledge of Ehlers Danlos immediately assumes I am a drug addict simply 'acting up'.

All appropriate medical tests later ruling out all above serious conditions and a quick heart trace, the most serene of registrars held my hand and explained that they felt that I had severely dislocated my shoulder/ribs/elbow/hips etc in my sleep probably the night before last but due to-the fact that I slide in and out at will with multi-directional instability I was suffering the after effect and my body had basically gone into shock resulting in such massive pain.

I am sure she said more - something about asking for an urgent referral to my rheumatologist, to assess also my worsening arthritis, osteoarthritis, osteoporosis bla bla and the drug i have just been given for the post herpatic neuraligia would gradually get into my system and start to help. She had gone to the trouble to read my notes and see that orthopedics have refused to do surgery because of the complexity of my EDS and said that she genuinely wished she could help and was so so sorry that her examinations had caused me any further pain.

I will never forget the look in her eyes of genuine pity. I am still not entirely sure I got the gist of what happened fully and may have missed out a salient point which would make the above list of predicaments make a little more sense. I was extremely sedated and in pain. She suggested along with all my other meds I doubled the oramorph and rode the storm.

So having ridden the storm I have come out the other side, with a family shaken by the worst 'flare' I have ever had. A dog who lovingly places his head gently agaisnt me as if to say 'tell me if it hurts' and I'll move.

Today I ventured out of the house with daughter to go see a car as mine is needing car heaven. I had thought all was going well until this happened -

left showroom in daughter's car -

she drove along the road -

went to a shop -

got out of car -

noticed I did not have the folder that I entered the car showroom with, this contained every important f======g document (s) I require that is (are) car related. (apologies for grammar lapse my brain is strained) Very distressed went back to showroom - car cleaner said he had noticed a folder on top of daughters car but as we were chatting thought when we got in car we would put it in said car.

I DID NOT DO THIS.

So I have been to the Police Station and reported lost/stolen every f -----ing document I need RIGHT NOW. To replace will take time and money and I am also suffering chronically from severe embarrassment for being such a complete nerd.

This week has been complete shit frankly. I am feeling completely and utterly sorry for myself and I am not going to apologise for it or pretend that life is better if I have a half glass full philosophy -

Tomorrow I guess is another day where I will emotionally, physically pull myself together but right now I am off to eat chocolate.