I have been reading blogs this evening, particularly this one http://thesecretlifeofamanicdepressive.wordpress.com/2009/05/17/absent-friends-heres-to-them/
am not sure that I have put that link in correctly. Some will have come across it due to the recent play on Radio 4. (Do's and Don'ts for the Mentally Interesting - Drama by Louise Ramsden about learning to live - and love - with bipolar disorder.) If anyone has access to be able to listen to it again as it is no longer available on iplayer that would be great as I listened to it but was distracted and now wish I had paid more attention. I have been reading the blog associated with it for over an hour now and am impressed how the author describes in heartbreaking detail her life.
, see The Guardian's review http://www.guardian.co.uk/culture/2009/may/08/radio-pick-of-the-day See blog list on the right.

In a previous post I wrote about a friend/relative who suffers severe with mental health problems and as I write I am aware that I am not up to date with what is politically correct terminology when discussing these issues. So forgive me if I make errors as I try to explain my concern.

Her psychiatrist whom she is currently seeing weekly is concerned she is having a breakdown. This worries me greatly as she has previously attempted suicide, I should say multiple attempts. He feels she should talk to her mother who has and feels she is unable to, for reasons I understand. Outwardly she shows no sign that all is not well and yet I find myself worrying, I am unsure whether I should text/ring her daily to see how she is. I am not sure what my role is, I can't say here what my role is in her life for fear of identification just to say it is one of responsibility sort of once removed. I realise that I have been worrying all weekend really and did text her and have not heard back. I shall contact her tomorrow and hopefully she will come over to share a cup of tea and to chat. My heart is heavy at the content of this chat and I worry so for her.

Much that would help would be a life change in personal living circumstances. It wouldn't change her sadness's but it would help immensely if changing her circumstances was something I could offer and money would help facilitate this change. Yet money is something I don't have an awful lot of. Normally lack of money doesn't bother me much but on occasions like these it does. Her condition has deteriorated due to stress as she along with her other co-workers is on half-time, so she is working three jobs to make ends meet. Working seven days a week with gaps of only a few hours in between each job. She is dreadfully tired and this does not help her mental health. If I could pay off her debts and pay her forthcoming MOT, etc... it would make so much difference. The silly thing is it would all be under three thousand pounds maybe a tad more... but I do not have that amount and I wish I did.

Hopefully tomorrow I will see her that at least would put my mind a little at rest.

Possibly a listening ear and kind heart may make a little difference... I fear not somehow as her sadness is deep and her heart stained with sorrow... she is going to be getting a CPN to keep an eye on her as her psychiatrist is going on holiday.... she will have trouble trusting a new person and I will try to encourage her to try... but she tries so hard already I wonder how much more 'trying' she can do. At least a broken leg can be mended.... I am a Leo and I wish I could bestow gifts on her and holidays and yet I feel even these things would not be enough but perhaps she could be sad in a better place and the better environment would have a small impact, in the meantime I can only offer her my love and support.... she is too young to be so sad and I wish I could make a difference.

Well one of the knitting books I had ordered arrived today.... good god what was I thinking. I do not think my skills are up to this one... its called blankets and throws to knit (patterns and piecing instructions for 100 knitted squares) On Amazon it looked so enticing and the throws so beautiful, perhaps it is me but the instructions to me may as well be in a foreign language perhaps I am just daunted and have cast it aside too quickly. I have a tendency to want to walk before I can run and am sure when I have calmed myself down I may perhaps attempt to knit one square to see how i get on! patience afterall is a virtue.... ho ho ho ha ha ha

I finally know why my eye hurts so so much having seen lovely consultant at renowned hospital. To cut a long saga about my eye short I have been moaning on and on for a long time about the mind blowing pain to do with my eyes and surrounds, it turns out apart from the Thygesons Keratisis, and recurrent corneal abrasions/erosions I have recurrent Shingles in eye/trimengial (sp) nerves which has caused PHN known as (watchout for dodgy spelling) Post herpatic Neuralgia. So I am not a hypochondriac afterall and yes it is very painful (not that I didn't know that already)

How happy I am that once again I have an incurable painful condition (PHN) and ehlers danlos, heavy sardonic sigh on this one, as I cheerily said to nice consultant... its ok I am well used to chronic/acute pain I am sure I will learn to manage it.

In reality its pissing me off more than I am letting on, the pain is relentless.

The corneal erosions/abrasions have been going on for three years now and discussed having a bandage contact lense fitted again if they do not stop which I am VERY reluctant to do as the last one ended up in a an A & E visit with the dratted thing stuck behind my eyeball somewhere and no flippin eye person around to do anything about it... apparently my lovely EDS means my eyeballs really do move about more than they should and the lense went with them but didn't come back. He said if they were to give me another one they would do it at this current hospital.... I will need a lot of persuading ,, apparently my cornea's have stretchy collagen too! Is there any part of me that hasn't some effect of having stretchy collagen fibres, I doubt it.

The weirdest thing is that it is affecting the nerve endings in my nose?I suppose thats the trimegal (sp) sorry its late - so much so my poor husband prior to diagnosis ended up looking up my nose with a torch (that's true love for you lol)to see if there was something stuck up there. For a while I wondered whether the pea I had popped up my nose as a very silly four year old had done some sort of damage, then I came to my senses....

The reason it took so long for a diagnosis is that whenever I had an appointment at hospital miles away it wasn't active, and not being a medical emergency I couldn't call an ambulance despite the fact that the pain I felt on occasion warranted it, so in the end I said I would send them a photo, so I did. I am sure this could should have been diagnosed locally, never mind. Anyway, tried to make this post short and now it isn't, at least I got it all off my chest.

Reading other blogs today it is amazing how many blogger's apologise for length of posts, I know its silly but sometimes I feel like keeping it on private, i wonder what I would write about then!!! I suppose its because I feel embarrassed sometimes that I write so much about myself, other blogs have far more intellectual content, political satire, etc. perhaps I will develop my blogging ability and move on into different genres, I doubt it somehow.

As for glamour gossip, the news this week that Katie and Peter had 'parted' did not surprise me. For a reasonably intelligent middle aged woman I actually like Katie Price, I don't care what people think of that or me for saying it. She has made millions and whilst I don't necessarily agree with some of the ways she has done it she is more intelligent than given credit in my humble opinion. I wonder if she possibly has body dysmorphia and sees something in the mirror that is not there? Peter on the other hand drives me mad & is another matter, perhaps it is meant to be like that but I cannot see why he is hailed as such a great guy. On watching the couple Stateside the 'row' in the shop was manufactured by him and she had it spot on when he was taking the piss out of the albeit extremely affected shop assistant and he was being immature and insincere, Katie was embarrassed by his childish behaviour. Katie actually only finally retorted when she had been pushed too far by his belittling, sexist comments when all she had done was asked him to stop behaving like a prat. He is too ready to berate her to his own end and I find him facile (sp) to the extreme, it was an argument and though I hate to admit it, I in adversity can retort absolute killer lines if being verbally attacked. If my husband continually called me a tart, undermined me called me stupid and told the world i was a moody cow i think I would finally snap. He is jealous to the extreme, he knew he was marrying a vivacious sometimes outrageous woman and he has been happy to 'live the life' I am sure he is a good father but I find the way he encourages his young son to 'get it on' with the girls and his conversations regarding them are dreadful. Katie is a caring and loving mother just not so gushy and OTT as he. I don't doubt she can be difficult but hey ho so can I, can he not see he behaves like a spoilt brat often, especially when he does not get his own way. They have chosen to live their lives in the public eye and I admit somewhat of a morbid fascination with it all, and don't apologise for it. So here I am sticking up for Katie, I like her and I don't care what anyone thinks about me for it. Doubt very very much Katie that you are reading this but this is a public post and I hope that you find happiness, with someone who respects you. Or you both find happiness together with some counselling or tough talking. Perhaps I am the only one in the world that sees it this way but on talking with a few female friend's my guess is not. I just hope Katie sees in a way that when she drinks she is not at her best and the Paparazzi are always ready to take the worst of picture's and also they love to put her down just like her husband does. mmm I suppose living life in the public eye has gained them a fortune but it seems it comes with very real downsides. Good luck Katy.

I watch a variety of TV programmes often when I can't sleep particularly, sometimes on watch again facilities and Katie and Peter is not the type of programme I normally watch, I suppose I like it because it is sometimes a bit too 'real' often depicting a life particularly the latest Stateside series that depicts family life and aspects of it which even though their live is far removed from mine in its nature with the ups an downs life brings. I wonder why I am apologising that I watch it, should I be embarrassed? The latest series however seemed to be deliberately setting Katie up for a fall and the footage seemed to favour Peter, I think it is a wise decision that she has dumped the management company, I am not entirely sure they haven't planned her demise. Only my personal thoughts though.

Feeling embarrassed again that I am prattling on about nothing in particular and others have a theme for standing up for disability etc.

I wonder sometimes at the media, particularly the tabloids, i know they only care about profits but I wonder if at some point in history there will be wake up call and they will see that they are inflicting the nation with purile rubbish.

edited to add.... interesting that Pete has a crap album just about to be released... he has been talking to the media.... apparantely katie sold pictures whilst in the Maldives so says a tabloid ha ha Interesting that only Peter is talking - perhaps his management company has told him to. Katie on the other hand is saying diddly squat - think that says it all really.